I, Frankenstein: A Stream of conciousness Review

Once upon a time at the conception of this blog, I thought I would do movie reviews.  I found one.  It’s bizarre.  Consider this a review of a review of a weird movie that makes no sense.

“I’m about to watch I, Frankenstein, but I have to write everything instead of…” (instead of typing I’m assuming?  For some reason?)

“Voice over!  Honest trailers would hate this x3” (Ah, my days of obsession with Honest Trailers.  They still haven’t made one for this movie btw)

“This was definitely made by the people who made Underworld” (I mean, it was so obvious.  The title, the leather, the actors…)

“What have you done to Harvey-face and Scary-face?!” (I used to think College Humor was funny.  Bad Man was pretty funny though.  And I love those Drawfee guys)

“It’s Ghost rider!” (I have no idea what this means.  I haven’t watched this movie in at least 4 years)

“I knew Gargoyles were real!! (creatures I mean, as in they’re alive)”

“Not that kind of alive xp” (I guess because they’re humans kind of?)

“Their accents aren’t right for that area…and I know my Frankenstein” (I’m assuming they have British Accents which seems to be the default accent for fantasy.  Also, considering that the Underworld guys have British accents despite the films being set in some Eastern European country.  Further, I very much enjoy Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein and the titular character spends most of his time not in London)

“OMG EOWYN! (I knew that)” (I take it this is where I recognized the actress)

“Dude!  It’s that guy from Jack Reacher!” (Meaning Jai Courtney, an actor I found quite attractive four years ago)

“They’re sleeping together” (???????)

“Holy Medieval castle Batman!” (Castle must have been impressive)

“She’s kind of hot…” (Was I talking about Eowyn?  Somebody else?  There is no context for this)

“That guy is definitely hot” (Again, who am I even referring too?)

“At least they don’t call him Frankenstein” (Meaning the monster, which is quite irritating when that happens.  So +1 for the movie)

“By the power of Sprite I compel you!” (This is the End reference.  Probably the best part of that movie honestly)

“Descended?  We k-worded them dude!” (This is a Deadpool reference?  I guess when someone ‘dies’ they powers that be say they were descended…)

“Victor, is that you?” (Of course it is)

“Ooh!  I know her!” (Do I?)

“Is that that werewolf? – IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (A werewolf I mean Lycan, obviously, from Underworld)

“It k-worded some of us”

“You needed to say his name or otherwise I would have never known” (This could be sincere or sarcasm, I really have no idea)

“That guys voice is epic!” (That giant Lycan dude with that sick, gnarly bass voice)

“Slow motion jump attack!” (Literal trailer reference here, specifically Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood)

“Ooh, fireworks!” (Fireworks give me migraines now xp)

“It’s the wrapture!  This is the end!” (This is the End reference again, I don’t recall liking the movie that much, but whatever.  Also not sure why I miss-spelled rapture)

“I’m not sure I understand.  It looks super easy to kill demons” (I guess someone is having trouble killing demons despite the movie making it look super easy to kill demons.  Movie logic)

“So gargoyles really are supposed to scare demons” (I mean, obviously)

“Is that the Lycan doctor?  I guess we’ll never know” (I want to say that I’ve been spelling Lycan as ‘lichen’ this whole time)

“Victor is always an idealist.  Also a crackpot” (what does crackpot even mean?)

“What a jaunty camera angle” (I now know those are called ‘Dutch angles’)

“Possibilities for the blonde chick: Abigail Chase” (From National Treasure obviously.  Upon further research however, she is Sarah from Chuck)

“How convenient, Subways” (Subway or subway?  I mean, if I was hungry a subway would be next to useless, but if I wanted to travel across a city…)

“I bet she’s wondering if his, uh, you-know-what works” (Well then)

“‘Examine’ he means sexy-times” (I’m extremely embarrassed here)

“You are a strange patchwork man.  I will trust you completely” (With really bad guy-liner)

“This is Canada Nell.  Things are real here.” (Obviously, the best Brendan Fraser movie ever made)

“This is my Batman voice” (Is this that Lycan guy again?)

“He has a skull full of steel” (Is Wolverine in this movie too?  I forgot a lot of plot points)

“Human plinko!” (Titanic reference I guess?  I’m a terrible human)

“So why don’t they possess him?” (Who is they?  Who is him?  WHY WAS I SO VAGUE!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!)

“I’m good at negotiating, I’m a doctor.  Also I don’t close my door” (Movie people being stupid for plot reasons)

“I will become a shadow.  A dark knight” (Another Batman reference)

“Hasn’t he seen Young Frankenstein?”

“She lives in a really terrible apartment”

“That guy’s voice is so awesome”

“OMG.  Even though we tried to k-word you before, we’re besties for life, right?”

“Can gargoyles teleport?” (Yes.  This makes sense)

“OMG, Batman and Rachel” (?)

“Guy’s he’s right there.  He’s pretending to be an extra” (movie villains being stupid because our hero can’t die)

“Never say ‘I’d rather die'” (seriously.  It’s the worst thing you could do to yourself)

“Aww, her boyfriend is dead” (Wait, whose?  It’s either Abigail Sarah or Eowyn.  They are the only two women in this movie)

“Woah!  Arc reactor!”

“You guys are so inconspicuous” (I take it the gargoyles were being SUPER sneaky)

“This music is EPIC” (I must have liked the music)

“Dude you are so less cool as a demon” (wHOOOOOOOOOO)

“When they zoom in on a gargoyle, am I supposed to know who it is?” (My favourite part about movies with faceless masses.  They show people in the battle scenes as if we care about someone who isn’t the main character)

“Well the credit music is good”

Well that was that.  I am obviously a natural at reviews.  Aren’t you glad I don’t do this?

‘Update’: 1/19

School has started and musical rehearsals are in full swing!  As such, there will be no posts during the next two weeks as I try to find some semblance of schedule.

I will leave you with a word I learned yesterday.

Adumbrate.  Verb.  From the Latin adumbratus.  Meaning, to outline, sketch, or foreshadow.

See you in a few weeks!

– Hatchet

‘Update’: 9/5

I haven’t posted anything for over a month.

It was a busy month.  I turned 22, worked, and started school.  Now that it’s September, I think I’m ready to get back into the swing of things.  Here’s how it’s going to work:

On Saturdays I will be posting weekly in my Book Club for Horus Rising.  I have FINALLY finished reading the next three chapters, now to write about them…this might take some time.

On Tuesdays I will be posting occasionally some book reviews or hauls or something of the like.

Thursdays will now be music days and I will occasionally be posting some music related content, like album reviews and whatnot.

 

Hopefully I’ll get something written this week (no guarantees, I have homework now xp).

I’m also planning some spooky posts for next month, so that should be fun.

Time for me to sleep.  Goodnight lovelies